Category Archives: Interpersonal Communications

Interpersonal human communications

The Art of Small Talk and Deeper Conversation

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My friend and fellow Communication Expert Mark Bowden was recently on the TV show The Social, and revealed some great verbal and non-verbal communication tips for us to use or avoid when in conversation.  Many people have a difficult time with the art of small talk, not only with getting the conversation started, but with keeping it going and making it more meaningful.  This lack of confident communication can affect us both at work and in our social lives.

One of my most popular communication coaching programs (and has been for a number of years) is called “The Art of Small Talk & Winning First Impressions.”  It’s no wonder it’s so popular – small talk is no small matter!  🙂  If this topic interests you and you would like to improve your soft skills, here are some useful links for you to explore.  Enjoy!

Link One – The Art of Conversation on The Social (article and Mark’s TV appearance):

http://www.thesocial.ca/real-life/relationships/the-art-of-conversation

Link Two – Just the video:

Link Three – A little about my interpersonal coaching programs, and how to connect with me to request a brochure and set up a free initial consultation if interested:

http://communicationcoach.ca/#interpersonal

Link Four (and more) – Effective Communication Skills – Never be Stuck for Words Ever Again! Ebook (epub) by Ric Phillips on iTunes, Nook, Kobo and Lulu (prices vary beyond my control):

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/effective-communication-skills/id465102075?mt=11

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/effective-communication-skills-ric-phillips/1113132339?ean=9781257554706

https://store.kobobooks.com/en-CA/ebook/effective-communication-skills-never-be-stuck-for-words-ever-again

http://www.lulu.com/shop/ric-phillips/effective-communication-skills-never-be-stuck-for-words-ever-again/ebook/product-20860764.html

PDF Version here:  http://www.lulu.com/shop/ric-phillips/effective-communication-skills-course-workbook/ebook/product-638214.html

Enjoy your small talk more from now on, and have deeper conversations with more impact.

Negotiations Are Easier With the ‘3 Ls’ Technique

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"Let's talk negotiations"

“Let’s talk negotiations”

On April 30th 2015 an organization I am proudly a part of, YEDI – York Entrepreneurship Development Institute, held its inaugural alumni meeting at York University (Toronto, Ontario). As a Program Advisor and Business Communications Specialist I was asked to partake in the Panel Discussion along with the other YEDI Program Advisors to share insights and tips with entrepreneurs on the very popular but somewhat mysterious and intimidating topic of “negotiations”.

I posted an article on LinkedIn, so please follow this link to read it – thank you.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/easy-technique-help-negotiate-confidently-business-3-ls-ric-phillips

If you like it and find the tips useful, please like and share.  🙂

Books I Read and Recommend for Improving Communications

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I love to share information and recommend resources to my friends and clients, and love hearing about books and authors that have made a difference in their life too.  Like many I have an Amazon page that lists the books I use in my coaching and training to help clients and teams improve their skills.  The skills we may focus on include effective interpersonal skills, reading body language, small talk and rapport-building skills, leadership development skills, professional communication strategies, presentations, conflict management, ESL (English as a second language) improvement including grammar, vocabulary and pronunciation, etc.  There are even a couple martial arts books in there too!  🙂   If you’d like to know what books I read and recommend, please check out:

“Ric’s Recommended Communication Skills Training Bookstore”

Happy Reading!

Tips to Help You Enjoy St. Patrick’s Day

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Happy St. Patty's Day!

Happy St. Patty’s Day!

For those that may be new to the countries where this holiday is celebrated, or for those who would like to know a bit more about the beginnings of this day, please read on.

St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated on March 17th in many countries, especially Ireland, England, Canada and the USA. It is a day that you can celebrate by yourself or preferably with friends by doing the following:

1.  Wear some green clothing

Young or old, you can add a bit of green to your ensemble or, if you are more daring, be obvious about your love of this day and dress head-to-toe in green!  Some like to wear a shirt with a shamrock on it, or better yet, attention-getting slogans like “Everybody’s Irish!” or “Kiss me I’m Irish!” 

2.  Drink green beer

It is not uncommon to drink green beer at the pub on this day, though traditionalists look down upon this gimmick.  Don’t worry – harmless green food dye is used.  So if you’re old enough, you should drink at a pub, preferably Irish or British, and take part in their promotions. Most pubs and restaurants will have some promotional games or contests, perhaps sponsors like Guiness, Harp or Kilkenny (Irish beers) will offer freebies (giveaways at no cost).  If you do want to drink in a local pub be warned – Irish and British pubs fill up quickly on this day, well before the 5 pm whistle is blown.  It’s the place to be on St. Patty’s Day!

3.  See a St. Patrick’s Day parade

Today’s St. Patrick’s Day celebrations are all about having fun.  A number of years ago the parades were seriously Irish, but these days, you can see a lot of diverse floats, clubs, bands and costumes.  I remember when I was young seeing a cowboy at a St. Patrick’s Day parade and wondering “What’s he doing there?”  LOL.

4.  Re-tell the original story of St. Patrick:

A young English boy was stolen from his home and brought back to then-wild Ireland and held as a slave. During these difficult years the young man turned to his Christian faith to keep him going. One night he dreamed that he would walk over a hill and discover a boat that would rescue him. Shortly thereafter he escaped and found such a boat. He finally made it back to his home in England.

Later, as a priest, he decided to return to Ireland, where he knew the language and customs, to convert them to Christianity. Other missionaries had been killed, but he was successful.

He added the circle to the cross which represented the sun, and created the “Celtic cross.”

He used the 3-leaf clover to explain the Holy Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) to the Irish people. That is why the clover or “shamrock” is a strong symbol not only on St. Patrick’s Day but of Ireland itself.

This is just a brief background description. If interested, please do more research to learn about this fun and interesting holiday, and don’t be shy to get into the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day!

Cheers!

Repeat Favourite Phrases to Improve Conversation

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One of the things to remember when you are looking to improve conversation skills, especially if you are using English as a second language and you really want to speak English better, is that English is just one part of language, and language is just one part of communication.

A quick way to build rapport with your listener is to mimic or reflect back their favourite words or expressions. So this way, even if you ‘have an accent’ it won’t be as important as the fact that you are connecting with the person on their level and making them feel comfortable by using a few of their own favourite words/expressions.

This is also a good thing to remember when you are trying to decide if you should sway your English accent towards British or American. The actual answer is – it depends. It depends where you live or who you work with. I am not suggesting you have 2 distinct ‘fake’ voices, one that sounds like James Bond and another that sounds like the President.  I am suggesting that you listen to and imitate the people around you, especially if you are a new immigrant. This will help you bridge the gap and increase fluency or at least a sense of fluency until your English improves a bit more.

There is more I could say on this subject but for now the take-away point is to listen to the people around you for their favourite words and expressions and then repeat them sometimes. Do not be an annoying parrot though. About 3:1 should suffice.  It’s a simple trick that connects and builds rapport.  After all, we like people who seem to be similar to ourselves, right?  🙂

Key Interpersonal Skills Help When Travelling Abroad

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Here’s a story from my business trip in 2008 to Moscow, Russia, where I trained managers at an oil services company in Western business communication and English language skills.  The story does not take place in the office, but rather during my free time.

I coach and train relationship building techniques, like the art of small talk and the fundamentals of a solid, winning first impression. These interpersonal communication skills are vital in life. I also teach networking skills, as these soft skills are imperative in building business relationships. Here is a story where I combined my interpersonal communication skills with local commerce.

In Moscow I was facing a big language communication barrier (although I did my best to learn to read and speak some basics while I was there for 2 months) and so I relied on other communication techniques. They are worldwide, human techniques. One day my old PC laptop  equipment was failing (remember – 2008 – and this was also before my Mac) and so I went with a Russian friend looking for a new headset and microphone in a local mall, and I saw an Indian man running a computer shop. He spoke with a strong Russian accent (so I was told) and it was obvious to me that he was an immigrant or migrant worker there. I immediately felt like I was back in Toronto,  and started to speak English to him. We smiled and chatted and he sold me a new headset which worked very well. I was back to ‘Skyping’ my friends and family constantly, as you may appreciate.

A few days later, after a great day of site-seeing (for those who know Moscow I visited Old and New Arbat, Hard Rock Café, and Victory Park) I decided to add a webcam to my long distance conversations and returned to the same mall. I purposely sought out the same shop and yes, the same Indian man was working. We smiled again and chatted briefly. I told him this time I was in need of a webcam that can skype, and he recommended one immediately. I asked how much and the answer was 1000.00 Russian rubles (FYI at that time the exchange rate was 1 dollar to 24 Russian rubles, so do the math if you wish) and then I asked if there was a cheaper option that could still skype. He smiled and played with his computer for a minute and then said to me that he could sell it for 800. DEAL. Done.

Some of you reading this story may not be too surprised by a seemingly independent shop keeper giving a bit of a discount, but I was told by my Russian guide that discounts at malls and proper businesses are quite impossible. She was genuinely surprised by my discounted price. I explained to her that I felt that he liked me for these 3 reasons:

A)  He thought I was a nice guy; I smiled which is almost rare for Russian men in that business situation

B)  He was happy to see me as a repeat customer; he did not want me going elsewhere 

C)  I think he could appreciate me as a foreigner in Russia – the same as him!  In that way we ‘connect’ even though we have very different cultures and personal situations

Most of us at some point travel, and we should not think that our actions do not matter to the local people. Carry yourself as you would at home and continue to be in the constant habit of initiating great people skills that cut through different culture and language. You never know when they will help you!  People all over the world seek to feel appreciated, to connect, and to have their mood elevated in a positive way.  I felt that way after my dealings with the shop keeper, as I’m sure he did too.  Remember those key concepts in business, and in life, here and abroad.  They will serve you well.  🙂

Confidence Booster Exercise

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Some experts say a great way to boost your confidence is to keep a confidence diary for a month.

It is a smart tool to remind yourself just how good you really are and what you have to be thankful for, and pleased about in your life right now.  By writing (or typing) answers to key questions you are forced to be honest with yourself and to look at the positive aspects and people in your life, even when you are feeling a bit down.

Once a week for the next month you can jot down your answers in a notepad or type them in a Word doc to the following confidence questions.

Take just 10 minutes per week, sit down and record your thoughts to:

1. What have I got to be grateful for in my life right now?

2. What am I happy about in my life right now?

3. Why am I happy about these things?

4. What did I accomplish last week?

5. What am I excited about in my life right now?

6. Who do I love and appreciate in my life? Who do I like hanging around? Why?

7. Who loves and appreciates me for what I am?

Answer these questions at the start of each week and it will set you up for success.

If you need a booster midweek, then by all means answer them again whenever you want to feel centred and remind yourself of what you have got going in your life right now.  Writing makes it real.  🙂

Body Language Tips for the Boardroom

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Is it a good thing to centre your hands while speaking?

Hello fellow communicators!

Do you often wonder how you could improve the results of your meetings and presentations in the boardroom?  Do you wish you could read the body language and non-verbal communications of business people across the table from you during negotiations?  Well a global company called FIRMEX believes these are valuable skills to learn and partnered up with “yours truly” to create a couple of no-cost body language videos.  Please watch and enjoy these vital and easy-to-apply tips to modify your non-verbal communication and gestures, as well as become more attuned to others in business.  Body language isn’t everything, but it’s a very large part of effective business communication!  Click the link below to see the video on Firmex’s blog:

http://www.firmex.com/thedealroom/body-language-in-the-boardroom/

I hope you enjoy the tips and more importantly put them to good use immediately!

Learning to Fight so You Don’t Have to Fight

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As a lifelong martial artist, and current BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) roller, I can relate to this meme.  Many people will agree that martial arts training, regardless of the art, will increase one’s confidence.  Having said that – please be aware that it is very possible to be fed incorrect information and be trained in fighting theory and technique that actually does not work, which is very bad if something serious should ever happen.  However the individual still gains confidence from the training.  It is confidence built with a house of cards, but to the individual, from their perspective (before the illusion is shattered) they feel secure and confident.  My quick advice is if you are interested in training in a martial art, or enrolling a child in some classes, do plenty of research on the art, the school, the teacher, etc. to make sure your personal goals are aligned.  Now go train!  🙂

Seth Godin: Confidence is a Choice, not a Symptom

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“The batter has already hit two home runs. When he gets up to bat for the third time, his confidence is running high…

It’s easy to feel confident when we’re on a roll, when the cards are going our way, or we’re closing sales right and left. This symptomatic confidence, one built on a recent series of successes, isn’t particularly difficult to accomplish or useful.

Effective confidence comes from within, it’s not the result of external events. The confident salesperson is likely to close more sales. The confident violinist expresses more of the music. The confident leader points us to the places we want (and need) to go.

You succeed because you’ve chosen to be confident. It’s not really useful to require yourself to be successful before you’re able to become confident.”

Posted by Seth Godin on March 16, 2014

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