Tag Archives: build rapport

Build Relationships Even When Travelling

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Greetings from Moscow, Russia again!

As most of you know I teach relationship-building techniques, the art of small talk and the secrets of winning first impressions. These interpersonal communication skills are vital in life. I also teach networking skills, as these soft-skills are imperative in building business and commerce relationships. How many successful sales people do you know who are extremely introverted and find it hard to strike up a conversation? Not many I would bet. There are obvious reasons for that.

Here in Russia as I had mentioned in my last newsletter I am facing a big language communication barrier (although my reading of the Russian words has noticeably improved, I am happy to report today…) and so I rely on other communication techniques. They are worldwide, human techniques. But a few days ago I was looking for a new headset and microphone in a local mall and I saw an Indian man running a computer shop. He spoke with a strong Russian accent (so I was told) and it was obvious to me that he was an immigrant or migrant worker here. I immediately felt like I was back in Toronto and started to speak English to him. We smiled and chatted and he sold me a new headset which works very well. I am ‘Skyping’ my friends and family constantly, as you may appreciate.

Today after a great day of site-seeing (for those who know Moscow I visited Old and New Arbat, Hard Rock Café, and Victory Park) I decided to add a webcam to my long-distance conversations and returned to the same mall. I purposely sought out the same shop and yes, the same Indian man was working. We smiled again and chatted briefly. I told him this time I was in need of a webcam that can ‘skype’ and he recommended one immediately. I asked how much and the answer was 1000.00 Russian rubles (exchange rate is 1 dollar to 24 Russian rubles, so do the math if you wish) and then I asked if there was a cheaper option that could still skype. He smiled and played with his computer for a minute and then said to me that he could sell it for 800. DEAL. Done.

Some of you reading this story may not be too surprised by a seemingly independent shop keeper giving a bit of a discount, but I was told by my Russian guide that discounts at malls and proper businesses are quite impossible. She was surprised by my discount. I explained to her that I felt that he liked me for these reasons: he thought I was a nice guy, I smile which is almost rare for Russian men in that situation, he was happy to see me as a repeat customer, he did not want me going elsewhere, and finally, I think he could appreciate me as a foreigner in Russia – the same as him. 

Most of us at some point travel, and we should not think that our actions do not matter to the local people. Carry yourself as you would at home and continue to be in the constant habit of initiating great people-skills. You never know when they will help you!

Communication – Not English

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Recently I was talking to a new immigrant to Toronto who admitted that she usually does not speak to people that are in the service industry, during day to day transactions. I was surprised by this admission and of course wanted details, because, although English is her second language, she and I spoke easily together. She is not a beginner by far, and has already studied and worked in Toronto where English is the common tongue. She said and I quote “That’s what I love about (multicultural) Toronto – no one has to talk to each other.”

I do not share her view or reasoning on this, but to be fair, let me explain a bit further.

What she is really saying is that many people here have accents and varying levels of English, and it is quite common to meet someone who does not have a great command of English, but still we all are able to buy our groceries, get a taxi ride, go to the corner store and eat a great meal. She feels she fits in nicely and does not want to rock the boat. She doesn’t have to stress herself out in speaking unnecessary English and all is forgiven if she makes a mistake.

I agree that people should not stress out about a mistake here or there, as the important thing overall is being understood. But I also had another message to give her.

Here is what I told her. It’s not about accents or level of language proficiency. It’s about human-to-human communication skill. The person who is comfortable smiling, chatting, reading other people’s emotions and body language etc. is in a much better position to be happier and more successful in this or any other city. Those with excellent communication skills transcend language. I will say that again. Those with excellent (interpersonal) communication skills transcend language. They are charming, witty, memorable, viewed as friendly, confident, attractive and a positive influence on another person’s (perhaps boring) day.

Think about your actions the next time you are buying something or have an everyday errand to run. Do you want people to be kind and friendly to you? Are you being kind and friendly to them, regardless?

On a final note, I would like those of you living in a city that celebrates the Christmas season (regardless of religious background or beliefs) to notice how the majority of people tend to be a bit kinder and friendlier to each other during this season (not including Boxing Day shoppers, of course! Ha ha…). Why is that?

To steal a line from a famous Christmas carol – “If everyday could be like Christmas, what a wonderful world it would be!”

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!

Banker-Buddy Follow up

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Some people are curious about what prompted my last blog re: communicating with the bank. There were 2 prompts: The first one is that I used to work at a financial institution doing Customer Service and Collections, so I know how important money is to people. I also know that I would favour the nicer, friendlier people first! Oh yes, I said it. Despite what you may hope, we would always help out the cooperative person or give them a break. Relationship is everything. Communication skills are super-important in building relationship.

The other prompt is that I had a great relationship with a banker, and he helped me get a good line of credit, great interest rates, and took a chance on me when I told him of my entrepreneurial aspirations. He helped me a lot. However this week when I went into my bank to set up a new account I found out that he recently moved departments. Guess what? I got bounced around for 2 days and between 4 people before I (maybe) got settled into a new account manager. Now I did my best to establish and build rapport, but I guess I won’t know 100% until the next visit. I am looking forward to it!

Communicating with Your Bank

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Sometimes we assume that the bank will help us make the right decision for all our banking and investment needs. After all, is that not their job?

Well yes, but their job is also to make money for the bank. The bank takes our money and invests it to make its own money. Fair enough.

So how do you know whose interest they are serving?

Here’s my advice:

1 – Do your homework. Find out ahead of time (online, brochures, friends etc.) what are the typical fees, types of accounts, investments, mortgages, interest rates etc. Come prepared knowing the fair market value and special deals going on.

2 – Establish a relationship. Do not just see any banker. Find someone you like, or if you have no choice, establish rapport with your assigned account manager. Smile, shake hands, get a card, chit-chat and invest in the relationship. You might be surprised how far a little charisma gets you around fees.

3 – Ask questions. Remember that this is your money. Do not passively let the bank put you into an account that has higher fees for services that you will not be using. Do not get a higher interest rate credit card when there are lower ones available. Be polite at all times, but ask questions. Only pay the fees you have to and find out how to minimize them.

 4 – Talk about the future. You may just be going in there today to set up a simple savings account, but talk about your future mortgage, retirement savings, investments or line of credit. Both you and your manager should understand that you need each other, and can have a productive, profitable future together if you are honest and upfront with each other.

5 – Communicate confidence and success. Dress nice, sit properly, speak clearly and confidently, no matter how much money your bank account has or is lacking. Ultimately you are selling yourself, and we all know that financial situations change frequently over time. Make them trust you and believe in you.

6 – Lastly, don’t wait for a rainy day or a crisis to hit to ask for money. When you have money and a good credit rating, that is the time to get a loan, line of credit or card. Be disciplined with its use, but the fact is it’s much easier to get money when you have it than when you do not.

Proof that Networking Works!

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I recently attended a Networking Seminar, hosted by the Pakistani Professionals Forum of Canada (www.ppfcanada.com) where the famous author/presenter/columnist Colleen Clarke (www.colleenclarke.com) was the guest speaker.

Now for me, this was an early Christmas gift, as I have been reading Colleen’s columns for 3 years now, and incorporating her articles into my coaching/teaching sessions whenever I help people with their employment skills, cover letters, resumes, interviewing techniques etc.

During group discussion at the seminar I had mentioned my opinion on how immigrants could better enter or deal with the Canadian professional workforce. Simply speaking, I suggested that there will be at least 3 cultures on the table: Canadian, Original or Mother Country, and Corporate Culture. So, which one is the easiest for everyone to find some common ground?

The International business culture for sure. Yes it is important that new Canadians understand why we love hockey and Tim Hortons, and why we think we are in some ways better than Americans, and why B.C. hates Ontario. And it is also important that the Canadians learn about other cultures, rituals and histories, especially those belonging to our new co-workers, bosses or clients. But the easiest starting point for anyone is the business or corporate culture of North America. This is the easiest transition for an immigrant.

So if you are a newcomer to Canada, make sure that you are learning how to write letters, memos and emails in our style. Make sure you are learning which expressions and idioms are acceptable. Make sure you are learning business etiquette on the simple things like how to shake hands with a smile and eye contact, how to negotiate without being perceived as too strong or too weak, how to make small talk with your co-workers at the water-cooler. We all agree that hard skills are not enough these days in Canada. We need excellent soft skills too.

Speaking of, after the seminar I approached Colleen to buy her book and chat once more, i.e. network! That evening she called me and interviewed me on my views previously mentioned in the seminar. We talked for 20 minutes and had great rapport. I believe she will cite me as a reference in an upcoming weekly article. I felt thankful that my ability to communicate my ideas in the seminar and face to face had paid off with a new, important contact. My story is more proof that effective professional communication skills are important for networking, for understanding, for success in business here.

Do you know anyone who is in need of small talk, rapport-building skills? If so, please direct them to my website (www.communicationcoach.ca) and let them know I offer free consultations.  🙂

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and let’s all have a bright, successful money-making New Year!

Become an Expert Listener

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As a Communication Coach I get asked all the time “How can I improve my communication skills?” by accountants and engineers, by ESL students, by immigrants, by counsellors. I always start with the same response: “Become a great listener!” When they ask me how they can do that, I then start to break it down. I can’t tell you all the secrets to listening just now, but here is some quick advice to help you become a better communicator with friends, family, co-workers, and employees.

When you become an expert listener it means that the other person is doing most of the talking. When you go into a situation where you are meeting someone for the first time go into that encounter with only one thing on your mind – THEM. You must treat that person as though they are the most important person in the world, because to them they are!

To build up rapport and to engage in a conversation ask questions and be intrigued about the other person, not yourself.

So, what do you talk to the other person about?

Well, like I said before, you don’t! You let them do most of the talking and by doing this they will think that you walk on water and will in turn ask about you and that’s when YOU talk!

So how do you engage the other person into talking? To do this it is important to understand what other people like to talk to about.

Here is the TOP 5 in order:

1. Themselves

2. Their own opinions

3. Other people

4. Things

5. You