Tag Archives: interpersonal

Trust in the Good of Humanity

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A few weeks back, I was walking home in my neighbourhood after buying a bottle of wine for dinner. While walking on the sidewalk, a van came up from an underground parking lot, and to my surprise, failed to brake in time and almost hit me. I was a little shocked at first, jumped back, and used my right hand to brace against his hood, causing a little slapping noise when my hand connected.

Well, since I immediately understood that the van did indeed stop just in time, and there was no accident, I continued to walk home on the sidewalk. I did not attempt to make eye contact with the driver as I didn’t want to accidentally instigate a verbal or even physical confrontation. I did not say anything nor cast any dirty looks. I simply walked on, content that there was no need to cause an issue.

About 3 minutes later, I noticed on my left side that the same burgundy van was now beside me (more or less), in traffic, and again, I didn’t feel the need to look over. Until I heard his voice.

I turned and looked at him, a big, burly man with long dark hair and a beard, in what I guess I would describe as looking like a biker, and, with a matching deep, gravelly voice, said “I’m sorry Brother.”

In a split-second I judged his voice and facial expressions to be sincere, and knew that he felt bad about the almost-accident. There was no doubt in my mind that he was determined to let me know that he was sorry. I believed him.

So I waved my hand to him, switching from a wave to a thumbs-up, and shouted to him “no problem!” Thanks!” And that was that. My faith in humanity was once again restored. There are plenty of good people in the world who make mistakes, and feel the need to fix them. There are still people who practice an almost-rare attitude of “well, if I made a mistake, I’ll own it, and fix it if I can.” He I suppose was one such guy. And I wish him the best. I smiled the rest of the way home.

Ric Phillips, Communication Coach

Repeat Favourite Phrases to Improve Conversation

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One of the things to remember when you are looking to improve conversation skills, especially if you are using English as a second language and you really want to speak English better, is that English is just one part of language, and language is just one part of communication.

A quick way to build rapport with your listener is to mimic or reflect back their favourite words or expressions. So this way, even if you ‘have an accent’ it won’t be as important as the fact that you are connecting with the person on their level and making them feel comfortable by using a few of their own favourite words/expressions.

This is also a good thing to remember when you are trying to decide if you should sway your English accent towards British or American. The actual answer is – it depends. It depends where you live or who you work with. I am not suggesting you have 2 distinct ‘fake’ voices, one that sounds like James Bond and another that sounds like the President.  I am suggesting that you listen to and imitate the people around you, especially if you are a new immigrant. This will help you bridge the gap and increase fluency or at least a sense of fluency until your English improves a bit more.

There is more I could say on this subject but for now the take-away point is to listen to the people around you for their favourite words and expressions and then repeat them sometimes. Do not be an annoying parrot though. About 3:1 should suffice.  It’s a simple trick that connects and builds rapport.  After all, we like people who seem to be similar to ourselves, right?  🙂

Key Interpersonal Skills Help When Travelling Abroad

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Here’s a story from my business trip in 2008 to Moscow, Russia, where I trained managers at an oil services company in Western business communication and English language skills.  The story does not take place in the office, but rather during my free time.

I coach and train relationship building techniques, like the art of small talk and the fundamentals of a solid, winning first impression. These interpersonal communication skills are vital in life. I also teach networking skills, as these soft skills are imperative in building business relationships. Here is a story where I combined my interpersonal communication skills with local commerce.

In Moscow I was facing a big language communication barrier (although I did my best to learn to read and speak some basics while I was there for 2 months) and so I relied on other communication techniques. They are worldwide, human techniques. One day my old PC laptop  equipment was failing (remember – 2008 – and this was also before my Mac) and so I went with a Russian friend looking for a new headset and microphone in a local mall, and I saw an Indian man running a computer shop. He spoke with a strong Russian accent (so I was told) and it was obvious to me that he was an immigrant or migrant worker there. I immediately felt like I was back in Toronto,  and started to speak English to him. We smiled and chatted and he sold me a new headset which worked very well. I was back to ‘Skyping’ my friends and family constantly, as you may appreciate.

A few days later, after a great day of site-seeing (for those who know Moscow I visited Old and New Arbat, Hard Rock Café, and Victory Park) I decided to add a webcam to my long distance conversations and returned to the same mall. I purposely sought out the same shop and yes, the same Indian man was working. We smiled again and chatted briefly. I told him this time I was in need of a webcam that can skype, and he recommended one immediately. I asked how much and the answer was 1000.00 Russian rubles (FYI at that time the exchange rate was 1 dollar to 24 Russian rubles, so do the math if you wish) and then I asked if there was a cheaper option that could still skype. He smiled and played with his computer for a minute and then said to me that he could sell it for 800. DEAL. Done.

Some of you reading this story may not be too surprised by a seemingly independent shop keeper giving a bit of a discount, but I was told by my Russian guide that discounts at malls and proper businesses are quite impossible. She was genuinely surprised by my discounted price. I explained to her that I felt that he liked me for these 3 reasons:

A)  He thought I was a nice guy; I smiled which is almost rare for Russian men in that business situation

B)  He was happy to see me as a repeat customer; he did not want me going elsewhere 

C)  I think he could appreciate me as a foreigner in Russia – the same as him!  In that way we ‘connect’ even though we have very different cultures and personal situations

Most of us at some point travel, and we should not think that our actions do not matter to the local people. Carry yourself as you would at home and continue to be in the constant habit of initiating great people skills that cut through different culture and language. You never know when they will help you!  People all over the world seek to feel appreciated, to connect, and to have their mood elevated in a positive way.  I felt that way after my dealings with the shop keeper, as I’m sure he did too.  Remember those key concepts in business, and in life, here and abroad.  They will serve you well.  🙂