Tag Archives: humour

What Those Words on Yearly Performance Reviews REALLY Mean

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Hi folks,

It’s been a while since my last update. I apologize for my tardiness. I have been quite busy with coaching, a presentation on PowerPoint repair, and setting up employee training courses at companies for immigrants who have English as a second language. In addition, I am moving in a couple of weeks. Busy busy!

Today I want to share with you a joke that originated as an email-based forward. You know those annoying forwarded messages that you get daily that crowd your inbox? You are bothered to receive them yet still curious to open some of them, if not all. The problem is, every once in a while, there is a good one. And that is what probably keeps us from asking people NOT to forward stuff to us. That, or the fact that we are sometimes guilty of the same offense!

Without further ado, I present to you a list that was a forwarded email. I do not know who the original author is, but did notice that they use British English spelling.

My thanks to my client Tatiana, who kindly provided this list to me. (I actually requested that she forward it to me – how is that for a change?)

What Those Words on Yearly Performance Reviews REALLY Mean:

1. Outgoing Personality: Always going out of the office
2. Great Presentation Skills: Able to B.S.
3. Good Communication Skills: Spends lots of time on phone
4. Work is First Priority: Too ugly to get a date
5. Active Socially: Drinks a lot
6. Independent Worker: Nobody knows what s/he does
7. Quick Thinking: Offers plausible excuses
8. Careful Thinker: Won’t make a decision
9. Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs: Gets someone else to do it
10. Expresses Themselves Well: Speaks English
11. Meticulous Attention to Detail: A nit-picker
12. Has Leadership Qualities: Is tall or has a louder voice
13. Exceptionally Good Judgement: Lucky
14. Keen Sense of Humour: Knows a lot of dirty jokes
15. Career Minded: Back stabber
16. Loyal: Cannot get a job anywhere else
17. Plans for Promotion/Advancement: Buys drinks for all the boys
18. Of Great Value to the Organisation: Gets to work on time
19. Relaxed Attitude: Sleeps at desk

Can You Laugh at Yourself?

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The most confident people are able to laugh.
They laugh under stress, they laugh at jokes, even if they are not particularly funny (out of respect for the joke-teller – as long as they are not disrespectful jokes), they laugh at themselves when things go wrong or when ‘Murphy’s Law’ takes over their life for a moment, and they laugh at insults.
Do your best at work and in life, but don’t sweat the small stuff. And don’t let anyone put you in a bad mood just because they can’t control their own life, mood swings, anger issues, jealousy, workload…the list goes on. Help them if you can, but do not let others walk over you. No doormat here!

Laugh my friends. You don’t need stress and anger inside you. I leave you with one of my favourite odd-but-true quotes:

“When the vultures start circling, the thought of how silly they look will put things in a truer perspective.” – David Carradine

Leaving Moscow – Thoughts On Doing International Business

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Today was my last day of training the fine folks at WorldMark Corporation/Oil Technology Overseas here in Moscow, Russia. Although this was not my first international training mission, it is certainly one of my fondest. The reason is that in a relatively short time (6 weeks) I have acclimatized myself quickly to a new culture, gained valuable insight into my business and most importantly, have forged strong, deep friendships with people that I know I will see again.

International training (or travel for that matter) is not for everyone, and although I am not trying to make myself out like a hero I will say that I do have the right personality and characteristics for extended travel. What might they be, you ask?

I believe first and foremost that you have to be able to suspend judgment. We all are ethnocentric – we see the world through our own values from our cultural upbringing. When abroad it is essential that you have an open mind and even a curiosity for things that are not familiar to you. Can you have a frank but still polite discussion with others on the deadly topics of politics, religion or other taboos in society? Will it end in an argument or a smile? Will you risk sacrificing a fat business contract for the sake of your ego or worse yet, the beliefs of older generations?

Also I believe that when traveling (for business especially) you need to have a sense of humour. Bad things may happen. Things that were promised might get modified. The question here is can you handle a little turbulence? If all in all you are involved with a great company then I am sure you can negotiate respectfully. Pay attention to things that were given that were not promised. Do things balance out in the end?

Lastly I would like to say a business traveler needs a love of language, as language is indeed a window to the culture itself. Even when visiting a country for a short time you should learn at least a few greetings and expressions. It is the quickest way to start to understand your new friends and business partners. Not just their words, but their intention behind the words, and also why they do the things they do that may seem strange to you. In today’s world of internet access there is no excuse why you cannot download a few pages to study on your way there or shortly after you arrive.

I could go on perhaps listing other important characteristics of an international traveler but for now I think I have hit the few critical characteristics near to my heart.

As I head back to Canada tomorrow I will be smiling, thinking of the good times I have had both personally and professionally, and although I miss my home and the people there I cannot escape the feeling that I will soon miss Moscow just as much, if only for a short time.

Thanks for the memories.