Tag Archives: conflict management

Do you know a Confidence-Sapper?

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The people who you have the most contact with and hang around will have either a positive or negative affect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know those people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around.

How do they make you feel?

Yes, they make you feel the same! They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with positive, can-do vibes that have a ripple effect on everyone else.

We also know those people who could make great “Wendy Whiners” or “Debbie Downers” (characters from SNL – Saturday Night Live TV sketches!).

They say they never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like others to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers – need I go on? They are like crabs in a bucket – pulling down anyone reaching for the top.

These people drain your energy and bring you down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

The interesting thing is, many of these confidence-sappers are not malicious. Many times they do not realize that they are so negative, and that they are annoying you. Some feel they are “realists”, but we tend to think they are clearly “pessimists.”

You have to ask yourself a big question – what happens to my level of confidence and optimism when I am inundated with their rainy cloud or critical attitude?

It will more than likely wear you down, and worse yet, you may even adopt their language, gestures and view. This scares me!

So what should you do to make sure that the people who you hang around with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

1 – You have the power to choose who you hang around with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. Make sure they outweigh any party-poopers.

2 – If you have good friends who are negative constantly and yet you still want to hang around them, make a point of letting them know how you feel – if they are a true friend they will respect you for this. If they are negative from time to time just acknowledge that this is what they are like and block out the negativity. Some may appreciate you letting them know that they complain too much.

3 – The same can be said with family. Your more mature family members have behaviours that have been conditioned for years and years and from different eras. Appreciate where they have come from and as in number 2 above, elicit and select the information that filters through to your brain.

4 – Remember, that nothing has meaning in life except the meaning that you give it. You have the power to accept or not accept criticism, negativity and most comments directed at you. Do not allow yourself to feel like a ‘victim’ and instead be a person in-charge and in control. Filter everything around you, and choose carefully what you wish to believe, and always consider the source. Not just the person or persons, but the potential reasons why they would say or do such confidence-sapping things.

I feel so strongly about this issue of preserving your self-confidence that I run a unique coaching course on confidence-building. The focus is on communicating your confidence – inside and out – and will have you learning how to walk, talk, act and dress for confident success! We also sell the course workbook as an ebook on this site. 🙂  If you want to learn how to block out negativity, change your attitude and be more confident, take advantage of the training.

Communicating Loyalty to Staff

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I recently attended a seminar where the presenter talked about the value of good or even great customer service in all types of industries. He actually has a background in the restaurant and hospitality industries, so as you can imagine there was a lot of discussion about good and bad service at restaurants, and how to handle complaining customers, even if you are sure they are ‘scamming’ you for ‘free-bees’. His solution was across-the-board give in and put out. Give in to their complaints and give them complimentary food, coupons, etc. I have to admit my stomach was unsettled.

Many of us have heard the mantra “The customer is always right.” But my question is, what type of message are we, as a worker, a manager, a company or a society giving when we give in 100% to fraudsters? Does that very act not devalue our company? Does it not encourage people to continue to shout loudly for free stuff? And how do you think your company waitresses, clerks, phone operators etc. feel when they are told they must accept the abuse?

Years ago when I worked for a global financial company I had the dubious honour of working both customer service AND collections! So my phone calls were often dealing with angry or complaining clients. I developed some pretty cool conflict management techniques, which I can share with you another time. But for today I want to tell you about the time a client called and was complaining loudly, swearing, and not listening to my calm appeals to slow down, and to dignify her language.

I advised her to stop swearing, and when she didn’t stop, and wouldn’t listen to a word I was saying, I simply hung up on her! Yes, you heard me, I disconnected the call.

She called my manager and obviously complained about that action, to which my manager asked me to tell her the reason. I explained that the client would not calm down and refused to heed my warning about her foul language, so I disconnected.

My manager thanked me, returned to her desk, took the client off hold, and said “yes the reason why Ric hung up on you is that we do not tolerate aggressive or abusive language here.”

The client was shocked for 5 seconds, and then immediately began apologizing for her previous behaviour, and then my manager went on to help her get the problem sorted out peacefully, which any one of us could have done had the client been calmer in the first place. I was very proud of my manager that day.

We often want our clients and customers to be loyal to our company right? Well we cannot forget to be loyal to our front-line workers, staff and managers. Loyalty seems to be a two-way street, and many of us are sick and tired of taking abuse because of an old mantra. So take care of your workers and they will take care of your customers. Loyalty must be communicated in the company first, and then it will be communicated outside as well, with little problem. Set some ground rules for your staff on how to handle complaints, and let them know you will support them, and not leave them dealing with angry people all by themselves. Build a strong team for a successful business! 

This story is always included in my customer service training, because it’s important for both staff and management to come to an understanding of the policies during a conflict resolution that gets out of hand.  Often this article is a starting point for that conversation.  🙂

Quick Tip Rules for Professional Phone Duties

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Through my experience working in Customer Service for a global company, plus working with SMEs (including my own) since 2000, and as a current customer service trainer, I have come to rely on a few “golden rules” of telephone management. I hope you find these useful for your business, job, internship, or when you are dealing with a CSR in your personal business, or even just ordering a pizza! Good phone skills are useful anytime.

1) Use polite words and intonation e.g. please, thank you. Yes it can get over-used here in Canada, but nevertheless, it helps set the tone of the conversation from confrontational to friendly. Politeness gets you further than shouting, regardless of what you have heard. Nobody likes a bully, and we are always going to assist a polite person first, rather than a raging bull!

2) Be sincere. Be believable and trustworthy. Faking it with just polite words but having a sour tone in your voice won’t fool anybody. They need to feel that you truly care, and are trying to do a good job, help them out or deal with their problem. You can’t fake it, so be sincere. Control your emotions.

3) Never demand anything or order anyone to do something. Always ask. Do you like being pushed around or subjugated? So why do it to others? For example, instead of saying “I need to talk to Mr. Roberts now” you should say “Is Mr. Roberts available? I would really like to speak to him.”

4) Be professional and diplomatic. Be “P.C”. That stands for “politically correct” which basically means not using offensive or judgmental language. This rule may not be as obvious to those from a uni-lingual and/or uni-cultural country. In Canada, you never know what the person on the other end of the telephone line looks like, what religion they may have, what ethnic background they or their family or spouse is (since not everyone’s’ accent will tell you) etc. Don’t take a chance on offending someone and embarrassing you and your company. Pretend that every phone call is recorded. These days, most are!

5) Remember that with angry customers or staff, it really is nothing personal. How could it be? They don’t know you! You are a “filter” for your company. You should problem-solve with the person, not just “pass the buck”. We all hate it when we tell our story to a person and then they transfer us to a new person, then again and again. No wonder some people get angry! So stop the passing and deal with the problem at its core level. Take some conflict management training if possible, or buy a helpful book on such techniques, especially if you know that your job will routinely deal with complaints.

6) Always be aware that you are a reflection of your company. As a new employee you should read your company profile, mission statement, values, policies etc. so that you are always aligned with the desired corporate image. It is important to note that customer loyalty is based on personal treatment and relationship, not the price, product or history. One bad experience from a CSR (Customer Service Rep) having a bad day can kill a longtime faithfulness to your company.