Communication Coach Ric Shares G.R.O.W. Model – Jan 2009
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Tag Archives: coaching & training
Communication Coach Ric Shares B.E.S.T. Goals – JAN 2008
Building Confidence, Building Success
In order to be a success in life you need confidence: that self-trust and self-assurance that guides you through your decisions. You can now remove the self-doubt and learn how to control negative thoughts that you have about yourself, and also deal with outside negativity. Nothing will ever hold you back again after you master your own self-esteem and raise your confidence levels! Ask about the personal coaching program called Communicating Confidence Inside & Out: How to Build Confidence, Be Assertive and Succeed!
If you prefer studying at home for almost no cost, then you could also check out the ebook on the same subject on our STORE page. It will help you understand, then build your personal and professional confidence from the comfort of your own home. Take a peek! 🙂
How to Communicate Like a Good Manager
Many people want to know how to be a good or a better manager, supervisor or team leader. This is hard to answer sometimes, as it may depend on culture, corporate culture, previous expectations and promises, and company as well as personal values.
The main point to remember is to show respect, calmness, and vision in all your communications. Bullies are not respected, even if they are feared. You must be firm but fair. At the same time ‘softies’ often are not listened to or given respect either. I recently had an email from an old Chinese friend (really nice sweet guy) who was asking for advice on how to manage foreign English teachers in China at his company. Apparently whenever they didn’t agree to some term of employment, they simply ‘played the foreigner card’ and claimed that they don’t have to do that because things are different in their own country. Smells like arrogance to me. The funny thing is, this nice guy who was asking me for help really wanted me to give him advice on understanding Westerner’s employment standards and practices.
That is a good thing to do, since he is managing them. However I reminded him that they are guests in China and are employees of his company, and that the main way to avoid some confusion is to have a clearly written ‘rules and conditions of employment’ contract which everyone must read and sign. That way both sides are clear on what is expected from the beginning. If the teachers find these rules too difficult then he should invite them to seek employment elsewhere! Of course rules can be bent and terms can be negotiated and re-written, but it cannot be done through bullying or ultimatum-giving, and that is what I wanted my friend to understand. He was being a push-over and they were taking advantage of his hospitality, as I understood. As a manager he needed to learn how to deal with facts (i.e. terms of employment as set out by the company) and be firm but fair in his dealings with his teachers.
Similar things happen all over the world. Here in multicultural Toronto, I come across stories all the time of people who are either being too strong or too shy. How many Russian immigrants have I told to “soften your language” and to “not be so direct”? Almost as many Chinese immigrants I have told to “be more confident in your speech” and to “not be so indirect”! Funny right? And that is just a small sample from my world of being a professional Communication Coach. Many more stories to tell…
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Hello wonderful readers,
I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.
It is funny that this greeting is almost becoming extinct here in Toronto, as some people are concerned with offending others who do not celebrate Christmas. Instead we use phrases like “Happy Holidays” and “Seasons Greetings”. There is nothing wrong with these replacements, of course, but I would like to mention that the spirit behind the words is more important than the actual choice of words strung together. In this regard, the traditional phrase of “Merry Christmas” shouldn’t offend anyone – ideally.
I wish you all the best in 2010. 3V Communications continues to grow, and with that you can expect to see changes in our posts, ebooks, coaching programs, assessments, and workshops. Please stay tuned for notices of such exciting developments!
As always, if you have an idea of a topic you would like me to discuss in my posts, please just send me an email with your request. Please indicate that you want me to share it on the blog so that I know it is not a private request.
I feel like 2010 is going to be a great year. I hope I am right!
My sincerest thanks and appreciation.
Peace be with you and yours,
Coach Ric
Quick Interpersonal Communication Advice
Here is some advice that I often give to clients and friends (and to myself!), at different times. I hope you find them useful.
See people eye to eye.
Hear people with more than your ears.
Talk to people heart to heart.
Feel someone’s real message using empathy.
Listen To words and FOR meaning.
Deal with problems face to face, not back to back.
Do not fight to be right. It is not a win/lose competition.
Conflict is not necessarily a bad thing.
Body language is not an exact science, but a cluster of cues is often right.
Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD…
Enough for now.
Thank you!
Improve Your Body Language Knowledge
As most of you know, I am a big fan of studying body language. It is a huge part of interpreting other people, as well as presenting the right ‘vibe’ to others. I love teaching what I know to my clients, and seeing it in action everyday. In fact, my company is named ‘3V Communications‘ because we interpret and relay information using the 3 Vs of communication – Verbal, Vocal & Visual. But what are the ratios?
Perhaps surprisingly to you, according to an old and very specific study, they are 7% verbal, 38% vocal and 55% visual. That means 93% of all communication is non-verbal, if those numbers are true. But even if the numbers are just ballpark figures, what does that realistically mean? It means I can swear at you, but as long as I am smiling and my body language is relaxed and open, and my voice is not too loud, you will NOT get mad at me! You will know that I am just joking or messing around with you. That is just a small example of how important it is to understand and properly use body language.
Did you know that the singer Shakira was correct when she sang a song called “My Hips Don’t Lie?” I realize that she meant it more in terms of sexy dance moves, but in reality, where we point our feet and hips does say a lot of who and what we are interested in. If you and I are sitting in a meeting or a café, and my feet are continuously pointing towards the door, what does that say to you? It says I am ready or waiting to leave.
If I am talking to someone on a 45 degree angle, that means I am inviting others into the conversation. Therefore if I am square to the person, I want their full attention and would not appreciate being interrupted. You can see this kind of ‘footwork’ at networking events or social mixers.
I could go on and on, since I have put a large number of hours into this fascinating field of study, but for now I just want to let you know that you can study body language with me either in individual coaching sessions or in a team workshop environment, and you can choose to focus on a course just on body language or have it included into other communication training programs. Give me a call or email and I will send you some more information. 🙂
How Do You Speak to Yourself?
I know it is a rather odd question, but it is an important one. People like myself who study NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) understand that repeated words and phrases, no matter how innocent or simple they may be, may be interpreted by the brain as a command.
Yes, be careful what you say to yourself. Our self-talk conditions us subconsciously just like water torture. (No, I don’t mean water-boarding!) Water torture is when you let a drop of cold water hit a person’s forehead. After a few of these you may be thinking this is ineffective torture – it’s just water drops. But after a hundred, a thousand or more, it is like a spike being hammered into your skull! So is the result of a negative or self-defeating comment said to you by someone else or by yourself (self-talk) on a regular basis. For example, if you say these things: “I’m getting fat. Do you think I’m getting fat? I’m too fat.” Or if you hear “you look fat” etc. then what do you think will be the result? Your conscious brain will program yourself to believe you are heavier than you actually are and that everyone must think the same. Can you see how dangerous this is? We all fluctuate in actual weight and appearance of weight daily, depending on meals, water, mirrors, scales and choice of wardrobe. You are no different!
Prevent this negative programming. Stop yourself when the negative self talk comes about. For help with this, check out other blog entries here (especially under the ‘confidence’ category) or take a look at my popular ebook (based on a popular coaching program!) called “Communicating Confidence Inside & Out – how to build confidence, be assertive and succeed!”
Ric on TV Tonight (videos)
Hello – just two quick announcements:
ONE – If you have not yet seen it, my January 1st 2009 CBC News TV interview is up right now, where I discuss the G.R.O.W. coaching method. Just go to my Youtube channel video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_CW3Zu0DLk
TWO – For those interested, and who can get the channel (I am not sure how far this broadcast will reach) I will be on a T.V. episode tonight of the W-Network TV show “Save Us From Our House!”, which is on at 9:30pm. For those in Toronto the channel is 27. I have not seen this episode yet, so we will be watching it together for the first time. It is only a half-hour show, and I am not the main host, so my time may be only a minute or so, but that is fine with me. I enjoyed helping the family shop in a peaceful manner and avoid all the conflict that they are so used to having in their daily communications.
Thank you for your support!
UPDATE: Here is the video or the direct Youtube link to the 2-minute segment I’m on from that TV show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYsXFywfFbQ
Ric on CBC TV – Jan 01 09 Video Now Up
Hello,
I hate to so shamelessly promote myself, but I want to provide more credibility to some folks who don’t know me and who want to make sure that I can ‘walk the walk and talk the talk’ when it comes to communication skills.
So if you are interested in seeing the latest TV appearance, I’ve uploaded the January 1st 2009 live interview of me on CBC TV discussing how to apply the coaching G.R.O.W. model to your New Years resolutions and monthly goals.
(Or follow this direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_CW3Zu0DLk )
Thank you!