Monthly Archives: September 2010

Study Body Language at Home (Course)


Are you interested in improving your knowledge of how to really read people and in turn how to act for maximum effectiveness in meetings, at parties or anywhere else?  If so, please click picture below and see if this program fits your needs.  I am a fan of Kevin Hogan and subscribe to his newsletters, and have some of his books.  This guy is the real-deal.  I have learned a lot from him.  Enjoy the body language quiz on his website too!

Reading Body Language - Home Study Program

People Who are Jealous are Unhappy and Insecure

There is a debate among behavioural scientists about the origins of jealousy:  Is it inherited or do we develop it?  Psychologists E. Aronson and A. Pines believe it is the latter.  They developed an extensive 200-item sexual-jealousy questionnaire that was administered to several hundred subjects.  Aronson and Pines found that jealous persons reported more overall dissatisfaction with their lives than others did.  In addition, they tended to have a lower level of education, greater feelings of inferiority, and an unflattering self-image.

(Source:  The Big Book of Personality Tests by Salvatore V. Didato, Ph.D., page 40)

It Had To Be YOU!

Question: What is most people’s favorite topic?

Answer:  Themselves!  Harvard Business School reports that “you” is
one of the top five selling words. Your listeners’ ears will perk up
when they hear you say the word “you” or “your” in your presentations
(this works in one-on-one conversations, too). In our workshops and
coaching sessions, we refer to this as the “You Factor.”
Increase your “You Factor” and you will increase your group’s attention
and retention of your ideas.

Here are a few examples of how it works:

Instead of saying: “This plan saves an estimated $10,000 each year.”
Say: “This plan saves you an estimated $10,000 each year.”

Instead of saying: “Forty percent of the population will contract heart disease.”
Say: “Forty percent of you and your loved ones will contract heart disease.”

Instead of saying: “This will significantly impact the bottom line.”
Say: “This will significantly impact your company’s bottom line.”

Instead of saying: The four areas I will discuss today are . . .”
Say: “The four areas you will learn about today are . . .”

Review your presentation notes and ask yourself: “Where can I add impact
and connect better with my audience by using the “You Factor”?
Remember… It had to be YOU!

Reprinted with permission from David Greenberg’s
Simply Speaking, Inc. 1-888-773-2512 or 404-518-7777

Speaking with Confidence (the 3V Way)

Many people ask me how they can communicate with more confidence when they speak.  They ask if it is a matter of vocabulary choice, of speaking louder, or dressing in a new suit.  Today I would like to give some advice on that subject to you my readers.
First things first – understand that effective communication is not just about one aspect of communication.  It is not enough to just start using “power words” and expect everyone to bow down to your great communication skills, and give in to your new sales pitch.
My company name says it all:  3V Communications.  You need to evaluate how you are communicating verbally, vocally and visually.  Here are some techniques to use to help you speak confidently:
Do so-called power words help?  Sure.  It is always a good idea to have a deep vocabulary so that you can chose the correct word to give your speech or conversation a concise meaning.  The key is to have a word or phrase that is presented simply, yet it is powerful.  Do not ramble on trying to impress someone with your vocabulary and your knowledge of business lingo.  Short and concise will produce a confident result.  Also use strong, more committed words like “yes”, “will”, “able to”, “100%” etc. and use superlatives as well.   For example:
“The United States is 100% committed to protecting its citizens from terrorists.”
“Toronto is the most multicultural city I have ever seen.”
“Cubans are the best salsa dancers in the world.”
Speak loud enough to be heard by everyone, without yelling.  Speak from your diaphragm, which is an old actors’ technique.  Speak to the person at the back of the room.  When you are speaking confidently you must speak at a medium pace that uses appropriate and dynamic stressing of your key words.  We should also add eye contact and body language gestures to match our stress and intonation.
Examples of important stressing:
“Our company wants to do business with you so let’s make a deal today.”
(Too plain and not enough feeling)
Our company wants to do business with you so let’s make a deal today.” 
(Too much emphasis on you and your company’s desires.  Could come off as pushy.)
Our company wants to do business with you so let’s make a deal today.”
(Much more rhythmic and dynamic when spoken with a firm but friendly voice, and is balanced as well.)
Visual communication makes up to 55% of our intended feeling and attitude that is conveyed.  To show confidence you must have great posture, use lots of eye contact, smile often (when appropriate), have hand gestures that are in sync with your verbal and vocal communications, and you must know how to dress for success.  You must understand first and foremost which clothes look and feel best for your body type (i.e. not too tight, not too baggy) and you need to be dressed appropriately for the occasion. 
If you are wearing an item of clothing that you have had for 5 or more years, think very carefully to yourself how others view it before you wear it again.  It is important to realize that some people out there, particularly in the business world, have a keen sense of modern fashion and will judge you based on that if they see you are wearing a splashy tie, baggy slacks, scuffed shoes, a shirt with a collar that is the wrong size, shoulder seams that rest on your biceps, etc. 
For women they also need to be aware of outdated fashion, wearing huge shoulder pads, wearing hair and make-up styles from the 1990s, heavy perfume, and once again not wearing body type-appropriate clothes. 
Since I am not a fashion expert I will simply tell you that there are a number of fashion websites, blogs, books and magazines available as well as image consultants, should you need one.  Most people don’t, fortunately, if they listen to their trendy spouse or friend. I myself have gone through a number of changes in my dress over the last few years, all for the better I assume, because I listened to my fiancée. 
If you are not sure how confidently you are coming across, maybe it is time to ask someone you trust to review your 3Vs and see if there is any way to speak and be seen with more confidence.  If you need me, just let me know.
All the best,

Transfer Worker from China gets Speaking Award

Hello everyone,

I would like to share an email I received today from Grace, one of my private coaching clients here in Toronto.  (I have her permission to share this.)  Before I do I just want to give you a little background on her.  She has been transferred here from Shanghai, China, and works for a large financial institution.
In addition to working with me to improve her business English (which by the way is already really good) I coach Grace on interpersonal and professional communication skills.

Currently Grace is enrolled in a fun, dynamic Dale Carnegie course, which I fully support.  However, I had the opportunity and ability to take her DC training further, by adding to what she was learning and advising her on how to improve her public speaking.  (There are advantages to one-to-one training over large group workshops, right?) 

Here is the unedited email I received today:

Thanks a lot, Ric!

I can’t wait to share the great news with you that I won the
Breakthrough Award yesterday at my Carnegie’s class!

I did restructure my story as you suggested and applied the body
language you taught me. My classmates were very impressed and voted
me as the winner of the night. I think the credit goes to you.
Without your help and inspiration, I would never get there. Thanks
so much!!!



No Grace, thank YOU for being a hard-worker and a brave public speaker in English as a second language.  It is not easy.  Keep up the good work in your DC class as well as in our coaching sessions!

Coach Ric